forever alone.

It's hard when you have a sister who has a more active social life, than you do. I'm starting to realize that my life revolves around the saying, "I like to be alone, but I don't like being lonely." I wish I had the ability to socialize. I wish I was able to keep friends better. I wish I had more people in my life than I could depend on/talk to.. that aren't separated from me by a computer screen. I wish that I didn't have to bribe or beg my sister to go somewhere with me. 

I love how it's okay for her to disappoint me, but when I do it, it's like the fucking world is ending. It's just not fair. The fact that I can be painfully shy/awkward has done nothing but hinder my chances of being a normal, upbeat kind of person. I just feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper into a funk. I don't want to classify it as depression, but that may be the direction that I'm headed. As always, I'm thankful for music in my life, because it heals the wounds, if only temporary. 

No wonder I hate Mondays.

Being able to let out/express my feelings is therapeutic, in the most wonderful way. I, personally, cannot wait until tomorrow to purchase both Katy Perry albums, and sing/cry/dance my heart out. It's nice putting it all out there.

xx